Cari on… inspiration and legacy

I expected to return from vacation on September 10 and immediately dig in to my fall concert programs and hit the ground running. Why would I even want to hit the ground running, though? That sounds uncomfortable. While I am good at feeling ready for things by tending to advanced preparations, sometimes (often) it’s good and right to take the time we need to transition. Two events this past Saturday prepared me far more for the upcoming season than anything I could have planned in advance.

When I received a call to play at a funeral less than a week after my return, I of course transitioned to selecting and preparing music for that instead of a strict regiment of learning and solidifying my new concert program. Not only were the preparations themself a gift (playing lyrical, sustained music is a far better way to return to your instrument after a break than difficult, new twenty-first century compositions) but the memorial service itself was really eye-opening for me.

Harriet Hoctor Groeschel had attended some of my concerts, and so I was honored to play at her service. I played at a funeral earlier this summer which was very emotionally taxing because I know the family and the person who passed away was only eighteen years old. I felt that for this service it would be easier for me to do my job well without my emotions posing an extra obstacle. Well, that was before I heard Harriet’s loved ones share about her life. You can read her obituary here, and you’ll see just how interesting, creative, and vibrant her life was. Harriet was a ballerina, and in addition to me playing a piece in her honor the director of the Charlottesville Ballet spoke about her and a dancer performed a beautiful piece as well. What a unique thing for a service! I was so moved.

But the thing about this service is that it brought into focus thoughts I often have about my own music and my legacy. Now don’t worry, I have no intention of dying anytime soon but nor do I intend to uproot my life and move somewhere to take up a post that would have my name published in a big city newspaper on my passing, either. I am proud of my flute playing and confident in my career choices, but that doesn’t keep the “what ifs” from slinking into my brain from time to time. But Harriet’s service taught me that as long as there are people who would say that hearing me play was meaningful to them, moved them in some way, then I cannot possibly ask for more. And I have wonderful, gracious audiences who always tell me of the impact of my performance on them. This is not an honor I view lightly, but one of gravity and significance.

After her service, my husband and I attended Victory Hall Opera’s performance of Ned Rorem’s song cycle Evidence of Things Not Seen. This is a rarely performed work for four voices and piano (sometimes together, sometimes independently). I am so glad that VHO exists and I buy tickets for every event they have. I admire their intentionality behind programming and the musicians they feature. I want this organization to exist and I want to be part of their supporters, so I am.

Many musicians and organizations shy away from programming anything outside of the Top 40 Classical Hits and as a result, decades of music history is going unheard, unseen, unremembered. Watching great musicians perform and seeing an audience (full, but in a small room) beam with pride and adoration at the reception of this piece that many had probably never even heard of before encouraged me to stay my course, to keep programming and playing good, beautiful music but always including pieces outside of the expected. At my next big solo concert, Music on Park Street, there will be the works of Schubert, Schumann, and Faure but also of Lili Boulanger, a woman breaking the class ceiling in her short life, and featuring the Sonata by Yuko Uebayashi, a living Japanese woman who has lived in France most of her life and her music reflects it - colorful, vivid, complex, but never harsh or un-relatable. I felt in exquisite company listening to VHO’s performance, and I’m proud to be their contemporary.

I hope you find inspiration and confidence in your legacy as we enter this fall season!