Cari on… revisiting a piece (and a place!) from your past

Picture it: El Paso, Texas, the year 2000. A classical example of “just because you can (sometimes, sort of) doesn’t mean you should.” I had prepared a piece for a contest that I could play, but wasn’t really a good representation of my playing at the time. I had found a piece that dazzled me and my teacher let me learn it. I was doing a pretty good job most of the time, but when I performed it, it did not go well. When I came out of the room, a clarinetist that was several years older than me and for whom I had (and still have!) much respect assured me that these moments are part of every musician’s life and that he had also experienced such things. I believed him, and carried both the disappointing experience and his encouraing message with me.

Re-playing a piece brings great joy; not only is it nostalgic, but greater depth of knowing a piece brings greater freedom when performing it, and there’s really no substitute for multiple performances. But sometimes it brings with it more than nostalgia: old habits.

The way to combat carrying old, unwanted habits into our current playing is much the same as any type of practicing. It requires slow, focused, intentional practice. But the most important component when performance time comes is trusting the performer you’ve grown to become.

Today (July 28, 2023) I’m being featured on the Flute Center New York’s Virtual Teacher Recital! And as you might have guessed, I chose the same piece from twenty-three years ago - Fantasie by Gabriel Fauré. This is not the second time I’ve performed it - I went on to win a competition with in 2003 and have featured it on several performances since then, and I can confidently say that each time is better than the last. Perhaps it won’t be the last time I play that piece this year even (hint, hint!).

Here’s a blurry photo of me at Rockefeller Center shortly after buying my current flute from Flute Center in 2010. It is very subtly tucked into this large purse and I’m sure no one suspected.